A day on my knees

I know what you must be thinking right now, wow, she is right up there with Enos, spending the whole day in humble petition with the Lord. Truth is no I am not on my knees because I am in humble penitence. We can choose to be humble, or we are compelled to be humble.

Today I was the latter of the two, compelled to spend the day on my knees (and probably not just today). My options were simply this: rely on your husband or 5 month old baby to carry you to the potty in the middle of the night, get a catheter, or get on your hands and crawl to the toilet. So again I chose the latter option: to crawl. With two feet bruised badly enough that walking is not an option, the idea to crawl came like a stroke of genius in the night "sure you feet don't work, but hello YOU STILL HAVE KNEES!"

This much time spent on my knees has taught me many lessons. Spare me to share a few:

1. The lower size counters custom designed for midgets could have really come in handy for making dinner tonight, lucky for me I could still reach the fridge.
2. Rollerblading knee pads are a way better option than oven mits ace bandaged to the knees for protection from hardwood and tile floors.
3. Scooting on your bum also works helps when your knees get sore and tired.
4. Husbands do not like to be incessantly bossed around about 'how to do something' when you can't do it yourself.
3. Mind over matter people, if you really need to accomplish something, you can always find a way.
4. You get to see the world through a new set of eyes, similar to a small child or midget, and know what its like to be looked down upon.
5. You face the cold hard truth of how dirty your floor really are and inside the kitchen cabinets at hip level.
6. Functional feet are strongly unappreciated on a consistent basis.
7. For once a car ride was the only option in getting from point A to point B than running, walking or biking.
6. Pretty sure that walking on your knees burns way more calories than walking on you feet.
7. The list of essential to do's, really not as long as I make it.
8. Less is more.
9. Yoga truly can be adapted to suit all bodies, even ones without working feet.
10. It's a great reason to keep your husband home from work.
11. Living in the moment is better than anticipating the non return of useable feet
12. The world might be a more compassionate place if everyone spent a day on their knees.
13. Navigating a wheelchair = not as easy as it looks.
14. Being pushed in a wheelchair = really kind of fun.
15. You can laugh or you can cry but if you do them together it might come out your nose.
16. I still take this over how your body feels the day after giving birth.
17. Having injured feet does not affect my milk supply.
18. Less mobility = Less distraction and more quality time Bridger.
20. Asking for help from others, not as hard as I make it and sometimes absolutely needed.

Altogether I would mark this day as a success in the history books. In fact it was such a success I think I will give it a try again tomorrow.

Simplicity

"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication" Leonardo Da Vinci

Of all people, really, Leonardo telling us to simplify? If his paintings are indication of simplicity than I wonder what my works would say about me. This week in the yoga classes I have taught I have shared this quote. Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite offering these words to others, when I myself have a hard time living them. But then I realize the words of inspiration are not from a perfect teacher, but someone learning each day. The longer I teach, the more I realize how little I really know...

Bridger and motherhood humbles me every day. As soon as I start to think I might know what I am doing, I realize very abruptly I don't. Today I am sitting here writing this post in my full motherhood glory: I haven't showered yet and its 4:50pm, I feel ready to explode from holding off going to the bathroom an hour too long, my undergarments are all twisted and bunched up and I'm too tired to fix them, I have a huge zit in the middle of my cheek and haven't covered it up, and I have Bridger dried pee on my shirt with some leftover cookie dough (something I actually did accomplish today).

Everyday I review my list of priorities to get done and figure out which one I can let go of. I tell myself it's ok, and then something happens. Somewhere in my mind I suddenly get feelings of inspiration that somehow, somewhere, extra time will manifest itself and I will be able to accomplish all the priorities plus the extras I thought I had to let go of. In my superpower strength I start more projects I could possibly finish, and then it comes. The needs of my baby override everything, right down to looking presentable, or being covered in pee or better smeared poo.
Today, I surrender, so there you go Leonardo, simplicity really IS the ULTIMATE SOPHISTICATION. Do you think he had pee and poo on him when he said that?

Every day I am humbled, not only because I realize my own inadequacies, but more importantly I have been blessed with the sweetest little boy on this earth. I can genuinely say he is the sweetest little man, he is my son, and I love him.
Nothing is simple about being a momma, no matter how I slice it or dice it, it is the work of sacrifice, patience, love, and it never really ends from one day to the next. But I can't go back, I wouldn't want to go back, to the way things use to be. Not when I look at my sweet baby,hear his giggles, laughing, and see his smile.

Developing Roots

I wonder how anything on this earth can grow without establishing "roots"? I mean our little garden wouldn't produce without firm roots, babies wouldn't be born if not for an umbilical cord, careers wouldn't flourish, flowers would never bloom. Basically this earth would be one heaping mound of darkness, death, and decay. Luckily, we all have "roots", some are strong, some weak, but they all connect us to something, something greater that what we are on our own.

Little plants like to stay connected to mother earth for nourishment, protections, and growth. Babies need nourishment to grow and live on their own, and we all need the root to a greater 'source' than ourselves. Whatever you call your 'source', whether it is God, Universal Spirit, Love, Peace, etc, it seems to have the same effect. We realize there is something much larger than us, much greater than ourselves, a force so strong that we can do things beyond our own power, and flourish beyond our own imaginations. It may mean submitting to a plan that we didn't foresee for ourselves, being present in the moments of adversity, but it is a plan so much greater than our own. It is a plan that I am sure will provide innumerable benefits, countless implications, of the which we surely couldn't understand. It is a great plan, that began with establishing 'roots', and remaining connected to the right source of all strength, power, and ability.

Elevate

In yoga philosophy, the 39th sutra of Patanjali states, "yathā 'bhimata dhyānād vā". Translated this means that "one retains the undisturbed calm of the mind by focusing on any thought that elevates the mind." What thoughts elevate your mind? I visualize a calm, blissful body of water, a noble individual, an act of kindness, a generous offering, a sweet innocent child. There are numerous thoughts to elevate the mind. When we first focus to bring this elevating thought in steadily, continue to focus on it, with time and discipline, it eventually becomes a part of our nature. The 'mind stuff' is constrained and we become elevated ourselves. It isn't merely a good idea, it is transformation on a cellular level. In yoga classes I encourage students to look inside and find that which is noble, elevating, inspiring; we then experience it in the tantric way by elevating our physical bodies in practice, our arms, our hearts, our legs; allowing ourselves to move from one place to a higher place, literally.

In general conference this April Pres. Boyd K. Packer in "The Power of the Priesthood" spoke about how we who live the gospel of Jesus Christ will have this power of elevating as well. He said "President Joseph Fielding Smith said, “While it may be said . . . that we are but a handful in comparison with . . . the world, yet we may be compared with the leaven of which the Savior spoke, which will eventually leaven [or lift] the whole world.”

I bake cookies almost daily, without a leavening agent I would have very ugly cookies; lifeless, small, and hard. I am certain no one would purchase them, and I am more certain I would not find such joy in creating them. The ratio of leavening agent to other ingredients is relatively small, very small, maybe one teaspoon to maybe 96 teaspoons of flour. Yet without this crucial agent, my cookies would most certainly not elevate.

Similarly, it takes one elevating thought in 96 that pass our minds to elevate our entire soul. Can you imagine 96 thoughts passing your mind without one of them elevating your mind or heart. Wouldn't life be dull? Isn't it the one in 96 that makes all the other thoughts worth thinking? In fact, just like the cookie, the elevating power has the ability to spread into all the other thoughts bringing them all to a higher level. Just one elevating thought to influence 96 others. Powerful is an understatement.

So, I am grateful for elevating thoughts, even if they don't come as frequently as I would like, they elevate the rest of my thoughts that comprise my day. I am grateful for a leavening agent in cookies, without it, just like life, it would be one tough cookie, and nobody likes a tough cookie.

Yoga Shrine and say goodbye to the Apple Tree

Last weekend was a good weekend. Micah and I went to Park City to help with Sam Granato's US Senate Campaign. If you haven't met Sam you need to. He is a fabulous man, a business owner of an Italian Deli here in SLC, and you should find out more about him!

While Micah helped raise funds, I helped deplete funds by taking a side trip to one of my very favorite stores in the whole World: World Market! Yes I purchased my very first futon/couch there about 5 years ago, lugged it home in a tiny Audi TT, and then shipped it to NYC to adorn my very first studio important. It was, and still is that cool, take a look. Oh how I miss my little studio, wasn't it cute to boot!

I wondered if my days of World Market had passed after moving back to the burb's of Bountiful and confirming my home decor purchases with Micah. Well, as it turns out, I was in desperate need for some adorning of my little yoga space, which quite frankly he has no say over. So here it is, an itty bitty, lovely Yoga Shrine. Thank you, World Market for satisfying my soulful pillow desires, I adore you.

Someday this little shrine will be a large studio, someday.

As if that isn't enough to excite you, it got better with the Saturday afternoon, Micah chopping down the Apple Tree. The best part is I think he is way cuter than George Washington.

This guy was diseased and producing bad apples, or we would have kept him. Regardless, I still mourn for the apples that could have been. I helped cut up all these branches, what a mess.

After, better, all tidy and ready for trash pick-up!

Bye, bye apple tree.

Pray in your wilderness

As I look back over my life, I realize time and time again, that there are moments when I am undoubtedly in the wilderness. While I am not literally surrounded by weeds, unkept grasses, a blazing hot sun, and no compass, figuratively I am lost in unknown territory without direction.

I ask myself at such a moments, how did I end up here? Did I do something to deserve this? Where did I take a wrong turn? Where am I headed now and how do I get there? Is there safety when I reach a destination? I suppose none of us like the wilderness, it is full of uncertainty, lack of direction, and uncomfortable feelings. Not knowing what is next is never that comfortable. But alas we cannot find where we are going if we are never lost. We can't find our way home if we never left.

If I let myself be the dandelion, I would blow whatever way the wind blew, I wouldn't have an anchor, a sense of strength, and direction. I would not grow.

This life is a time to grow, and I know this. The uncertainty that comes with the wilderness will approach us at different periods throughout our life. Amulek taught us what to do in our wilderness, "ye must ^apour out your souls in your ^bclosets, and your secret places, and in your wilderness." When we pray in our wilderness suddenly it isn't so scary, we know in whom we trust, we stay rooted to our anchor. We persist despite opposition and doubts that may arise. Pray in your wilderness, you will never be left alone.

Yoga Sutra 1:33

“By cultivating attitudes of friendliness toward the happy, compassion for the unhappy, delight in the virtuous, and disregard toward the wicked, the mind-stuff retains its undisturbed calm.”

Yoga Sutra of Patanjali I.33

Stepping Back to move forward

In the practice of yoga, we often back off of things prior to proceeding. For example, I lower down on my belly, before rising up in a backbend. The sun salutation, is a series 9-17 postures, one in which there is closing in, followed by a rising up. I am certain the opening posture could not happen if it did not follow a closing in posture. This closing in and opening up is a theme that weaves through the entirety of the practice, after all it is a balance. A fine balance, effort and ease in perfect tandem.

As it becomes more natural on the mat, the challenge comes in applying this principle to off the mat. I often have a desire to race through my day completing all the tasks that require energy up front. While this has the underpinnings of a successful practice, the problem exists when the determination takes over to complete EVERYTHING, before allowing a sweet surrender to enter in. Going and going with fierce determination seems to set in, and letting go becomes only a very small exonerated portion of the day that happens before bedtime. This does seem to work on some level, but too much determination certainly makes it challenging to let go when the time comes. Many worship vacations and time off work, to relax and step back, I think it is a daily practice, that enhances our every day experience. By taking the time to step back each day, I reconnect with my breath, I acknowledge divinity, and I remember how sweet it is to simply be still. The allows me to approach the day with a new sense of well being and wholeness, able to, well, move forward.

Love is in the air...

As I breathe in love fills not only the spaces within me but all the space around me, enveloping, all consuming. The all consuming love that I can feel, surely must come from a being much greater than myself. It is hard to define this type of love, and my mortal mind can hardly comprehends it's depth.

Every now and then, ok, all the time, I limit the power of love to what my mind can understand. Then I seemed to be reminded, of course from the mouthpiece of God, that love truly is a much stronger force than I originally envisioned. As 2009 rolls to an end, I am reminded that the theme of this year is Love. I initially thought the new marriage began would be the apex of that theme. Well, certainly it is a part, but as I come full circle from Jan 24, 2009, the day Micah and I were sealed, to November 22, 2009 (1 year after moving to Utah), I realize that the love that has deepened more than I could have fathomed, is not just the love of a spouse, but the love of God. And the truth is God's love has always been present, only my openness to receiving it fades in and out. I recognize that this gift, the love of God, makes possible the love of a human relationship. There simply is no other way. This is not the prescribed outcome I had anticipated in the first 10 months of marriage. But, it is the outcome I needed.

When we set an intention at the start of a yoga practice, it is often set only to allow us to be open to the possibility that the intention might shift or change completely. Sometimes this is anticipated, most often, it is not, but it is always what needs to happen. This inherent beauty of the practice, when the flow takes over, allows divine wisdom to manifest itself. We just make an offering with full trust that what needs to happen, will indeed happen. And with that trust, it always does.

To know the God's love indeed is the "center of ALL" as spoken by Elder Uchtdorf in Oct Conference, sharpens my desires to let love be at the heart of every decision, large or small. To taste and savor the love present in all things, seems a noble pursuit. My vision has shifted, but my intent the same, to honor the love of God in all things, and to participate in it's transformative powers.

Like home again...

My mission president's wife used to always say "Bloom where you are planted."  I have been fighting blooming in Bountiful, UT. Not sure why? Maybe I miss the experiences I had in New York, the people I met, the souls that taught me, the life I gained, the cozy little studio I made my own.  As cliche as it may sound, I could say "I found myself in NYC." Self realization dawned on me in greater magnitude than ever it had before.  I fell in love in New York, fell in love with life. 

One of my wise yoga teachers used to say "The only constant thing in life is change." So why do I fight this change so?  I don't see the whole picture, but I am doing my best "to bloom where I am planted", as sweet Sister Pullan suggested. So thanks to some improvements to my outer world, my inner world is feeling more like home...

Bye bye fluorescent bulbs, welcome hallogen! Amazing what a new light can do.

A little office to call my own,

oh sweet hooks, you give bag and jacket a home.

Big palm, and,

little palms, the air already feels better.

A painted hallway, so trips to the bathroom and bedroom are much more pleasing. And last but not least...

A little spot for yoga. I have some plans for this space also, but one thing at a time. 

Thanks to my sweet husband who braved the 4 hr Ikea trip, a 3 hour assembly jobs, and countless hours of hearing me complain. Oh how I love you.  But our efforts this weekend are pale in comparison to the months of effort my sweet husband put into remodeling the home 3 1/2 years ago when he purchased it. Little did he know he was creating a home, not just for himself, but he was creating a home for us. 

After all, life isn't really about the great big moments, rather it's about making a great big deal out of the small moments.

Indeed, it is starting to feel like home again... and what makes it feel that way more than all the home improvements combined...

Sunshine in my soul today

The only words I have to describe how I feel are not my own... they have been running through my mind all day long...

There is sunshine in my soul today, 

More glorious and bright 

Than glows in any earthly sky, 

For Jesus is my light.

Oh, there’s sunshine, blessed sunshine 

When the peaceful happy moments roll. 

When Jesus shows his smiling face, 

There is sunshine in the soul.

Wednesday began with an amazing yoga class at the Bountiful Davis Arts Center! The first one, and there was 10 of us! Loved it! It was wonderful to see so many beautiful faces I haven't seen and some trying yoga for the first time. We let today be an offering to something other than ourselves. My offering is to my creator, the source of all the abundance I experience daily.

It got even better when I taught at Welcome Home, an assisted living center. Their are amazingly sweet little ladies that come each week to experience Yoga.  I greet them individually, we have a 30 minute class, and I leave by saying goodbye to each individually.  What stood out to me today was my sweet Bessie, as I asked her how she felt after our practice before leaving, she told me as she often does "Oh, well I try my best, but I am just not sure if I am doing it right." I replied, "but Bessie, YOU DID IT." And then it came, that soft gentle tug on my heart that invited me to ask Bessie, "Bessie, did you enjoy your experience?" As the tear rolled down my face, Bessie's discouragement turned to a warm glow, hope filled her eyes, and she replied with a warm smile, "YES".  The question of "Did you enjoy your experience?" pierced my soul in a way it never had before as it came out of my own mouth.  I recognized in that moment I was being taught from on high.  I visualized myself beyond the mortal frame before my creator, and he wasn't there saying, "Connie why did you do this or why did you do that, sheesh, what were you thinking?" He wasn't judging all the little details of my life, my mistakes, or overanalyzing every decision. Rather he reacted the way I felt with Bessie today, he simply was so pleased that 'I did it'! And the question again resounded through my entire being "Did you enjoy your experience?" I don't know for certain if this is a question we may be asked someday, but I feel the need to have an answer for that particular question at the end of my journey on earth. For the first time, I didn't just 'know', but I felt the gift of 'joy' in our lives. I have always known the small decisions aren't everything, but I, like all of us, get caught in the small details of daily living. When I step outside of that thinking and give my mind and heart space, it is filled with the all consuming love and truth of a heavenly being. The Creator that seeks for my very existence to be full of joy. There indeed IS sunshine in my soul today.

The things I can't live without...

Love,

Breath,

Food and Water,

A connection to source,

and now, me sweet Micah.

Why is it that we don't really appreciate things until they are gone or almost gone? I was thinking about this concept quite a bit today. We place more value on things when they are scarce. We value our income more in a recession, heat when the furnace is broken, breathing when air quality is poor, food after fasting, and spirituality when we have allowed the demands of life to take precedence. It is a privilege of mine daily to take a moment just to acknowledge and value my breath, without which I would not be alive and experience what I do.  This acknowledgement of breath connects me to the essence of life and divine creator which grants me daily breath. When I get caught up in the complexities of life, which I so often do, it is that sacred moment I step back and realize what matters most of all. The true essence of who we really are is always there.

This past week we went for about 5 days without a working furnace. A little control panel came and saved the day on Wed.  I appreciate warmth.

When I lived in NYC I learned to really appreciate any sunshine I could get, in the midst of all the buildings.

And after 31 years of being single, I appreciate the sweet kisses of my husband.

 I have so much, I am richly blessed.

My 'ode' to yoga...

Lately I have been pondering my love and loyalty to practicing and teaching yoga over the last 7-8 years.  Why do I love it so? Because it first loved me? From the very first yoga class I developed an uncanny attraction to yoga. While yoga is not a physical being that has the ability to love, it allowed me to give something back to myself.  It wasn't like any other exercise class I had ever been in, it didn't matter if I got the pose just right, and it didn't matter if I didn't look like my neighbor.  All that seemed to matter was that I honored me, honored my abilities, honored my individuality, and honored my body. After leaving yoga class, I found that I always slept better that night, that I felt more calm and peaceful. For the first time, exercise took on love rather than drudgery or punishment.  Comparing or judging yourself was strongly discouraged in yoga class, and no real end result was necessary to attain.  It became more than exercise to me, it became a practice of unconditional love. It helped peal away the layers of hurt, insecurity, fear, doubt.  In many ways aside from the Gospel, it was the first thing in my life I have ever REALLY committed to.

The commitment to yoga preceded many other commitments in my life: recommitment to my savior, a commitment to happiness, a commitment to a life of love instead of fear, a commitment to following passions, a commitment to my husband, and a commitment to living life to it's fullest. 

My favorite teacher, Alan Finger, who has taught yoga and meditation for over 40 years often gets the question "why practice yoga?" His answer is always the same,'because it allows YOU to become who YOU really are.'  I have always loved his response and likened it to my own situation. Today as I listened to meditation CD I was reminded again of this. But today the works took on a whole new meaning. Becoming who 'I' really am, does not mean becoming like my neighbor, or my sister, or my friend, or my yoga teacher. Becoming who 'I' really am is becoming the best 'Connie.'  Somewhere in the tumult of life I have given in to the temptation to compare myself with those around me. As I have done this I have unfairly compared my weaknesses with other's strengths. As I have looked at my environment I have seen only what I lack, or where I am deficient. With only looking at the many things I am not doing, I have overlooked all the things I do, and can do. It has brought me down to a place of insurmountable deficiencies, and feeling alone in a pit in which I can't crawl out. Last night as the wind swept through the trees and our home, the never-ending instability of the weather mirrored the instability of my heart. For a moment I felt me feeble heart had ceased.  I felt paralyzed with fear, with apprehension, with doubt, and uncertainty. It became so overwhelming I couldn't sleep or rest. I applied my yoga techniques to calm the mind, but nothing seemed to really help. I didn't fall asleep for several hours and when I did, my mind still raced with vivid dreams.

This morning as I once again revisited Alan's response 'yoga helps you become the person you really are,' I finally realized that I don't have to become anyone else. I don't have to waste time and precious energy trying to become another person that I am not. God knows me and loves me for who I am, not my neighbor. I realized that in addition to all the wonderful gifts of yoga, that it has also helped me to see things more clearly, to perceive and understand things as they really are. It clears the maya (illusion) and taps us into our abundance and grace. 

I can hardly believe that after practicing yoga for years I have never made this connection, but I suppose this is the power of a practice that always gives back. As I give to yoga, it gives back to me. Yoga in sanskrit, means 'union' or 'oneness'. It is when we align our mind, body, and spirit to become 'one' that we can access higher realms of consciousness, and become who 'YOU" really are.  

Firm, steadfast, and immovable

As I was a child I remember going to church and hearing in Sunday school about how we are in the last days? I always thought "how could the day's end?" It perplexed me as a youngster but as I have grown, and delved into the scriptures, I recognize the "last days" refers to the second coming of our Savior. I read the Book of Mormon, and whether you consider yourself Mormon or not, I love the teachings this book imparts of the Savior appearance in the americas. It is undoubtedly the best book I have found to share insight on preparing for the return of our Savior. 

As I was reading today in 3 Nephi 6, I was reminded of the great wickedness and calamity the preceded the Savior's visit. There was a great amount of wickedness, and as I compare that to our day, I recognize that things have come full circle. The evil about us today is all around, it does surround us on every side, temptations do abound. All sorts of distractions distance us from our God, and dull us to the light of Christ.  Sometimes I identify with Nephi in his heartfelt prayer when he is pained by the small sins that detract him from his course. 

This great book, The Book of Mormon, imparts great wisdom, and I am reminded of this each time I read in it.  This morning it became increasingly apparent that I follow the specific counsel and wisdom of 3 Nephi 6: 14 to combat such perils in our day. I absolutely must be "firm, and steadfast, and immovable, willing with all^bdiligence to keep the commandments of the Lord." Firm, steadfast, and immovable; the image that conjures up in my mind when I think on those words, is a rock.  This week in primary we sang 'The wise man and the foolish man'. I love this song, because it is so simple, we can build ourselves on sand and be washed away when the storm comes, 

or we can build upon the rock, and stand still through the storm. 

Now is the time to decide, to be like the foolish man or the wise man. The last days are upon, wickedness is spreading hour by hour; and I can build myself upon sand or the rock. I have the choice, but to me their really isn't a choice, because I have already chosen a path to return to my father. To me the rock provides the "firm, steadfast, and immovable" foundation that I seek to get me there safely.  

In Yoga classes I often ask students to balance on one foot for an extended period of time (like 60-90 seconds).  Ok, so not that long in the scheme of things, but feels like an eternity when you are doing it.  Sometimes we just flow into the balance without advance notice and other times I prepare them mentally.  I have noticed that when they are prepared in their minds, and visualize their standing foot as an anchor holding them, they seem to appear more firm, steadfast, and immovable. When we flow into the pose sometimes their is unsteadiness at the beginning, but as they trust in their support of the earth and their standing leg, they too become firm, steadfast, and immovable.

 It is possible to balance without falling in the storms of life, but we must remember who we are, and where we are going, and most importantly to trust we will be supported every second. 

Hearing what isn't being said...

I have been thinking lately about how the best gifts in life are unseen.  One of my favorite quotes I love to share in Yoga class is "The best part of communication is hearing what isn't being said".

Stop

Listen

and then stop and listen again.

What do you hear?

Really, the most important communication in this life isn't heard, and the greatest gifts from a heavenly father are unseen. The promises from God are not visible; his son, his spirit, his love; not perceived by the human eye, yet have full sway in my heart, and in the end they are the gifts which matters the most. 

Hear what isn't being said. There is a distinct connection between "what I ask for" being answered, and listening.  The power of the all wise creator is in my life as much as I permit him to be.

As you are going about your day today... I invite you to...

Stop

Then, Listen

"This too shall pass"

So, I admit it, I have become a radio talk show junkie! I love to listen to Dr. Laura and Glenn Beck, because they focus on what is real and standing up for our values in this chaotic world.  Dr. Laura is on as I prepare and bake cookies in the afternoon for the Farmers Market. Today, while baking and listening intently she read the email of the day, I can't quote it verbatim, but the theme of it was based on the biblical quote "This too shall pass..."

The writer of the email and Dr. Laura expressed how we often use that phrase "This too shall pass", when life is bad, or trials are abundant.  It's a comforting thing to know that hard times will pass. But what they brought to my attention that I hadn't considered is that "This too shall pass" applies to not just BAD times but GOOD times as well. Do we cherish the good, because it too shall pass? We never know what tomorrow holds, are we grateful for what today is? As I consider that, I started to realize all of the wonderful, amazing experiences in life that I take for granted. It is hard to be grateful for them when thoughts are crowded with worrying about the past or future, that which you cannot control.   I realized yet again, another reason why I love to practice yoga! It helps me to live more in the present moment.  I am so grateful for every moment I have on this earth, to experience the good and the bad, it makes me who I am, it shapes me, and molds me, it infuses my soul with the fragrance of eternity.

What a privilege it is...

This morning upon arising, I was crabby, ask Micah.  It's true, somedays I wake up feeling tired, groggy, and like I got up on the wrong side of the bed.  As I continued in my morning routine, I had to go for a fast run and yoga session before teaching the 9:15 Gentle Yoga class at Infusion.  As I was running sluggishly a thought began to pop into my mind, a moment of inspiration. The thought was "What a privilege it is...". I thought what a privilege to run in the morning hours before the day has begun. What a privilege it is to move my body and feel the wind on my face.  

My thoughts turned to Yoga, what a privilege it is to practice and teach yoga. What a privilege it is to offer the beautiful practice of mindfulness into people's lives.  What a privilege it is to have received wonderful instruction and training to enable me to teach. What a privilege it is to have students eager to learn and share their practice. 

As I went on to class, I wove the theme into the class, as an intention for the class, and we revisited this idea every few minutes while flowing in and out of poses. What a privilege it is to take an hour out their day to connect with their mind, body, and spirit. What a privilege to practice yoga?

Now I realize I have only addressed this privilege idea as it pertains to yoga, but thats the beauty of it, it bleeds into every aspect of our daily living. There are times when, like this morning, I fall into the "Wo is me.." syndrome. The "wo is me" is defined by feeling that you HAVE to do something rather than GET to do something. When "wo is me" sets in, we start to feel like our responsibilities in life are burdens, that "if only" I had this, or "if only" I had that, things would be better. We may start to see others as having more ideal lives, less responsibilities, and freer of burdens then ourselves. "Wo is me" starts small, little thoughts about how we could be better off. The problem with the "wo is me", is that when we give in to it, it grows bigger and bigger. Like a cancer it begins to eat away at our cells, our organs, our muscles, and our ability to function at a healthy capacity. Suddenly we no longer see things clearly, indeed the health of our "thoughts" is in jeopardy.

As a remedy for the toxic "wo is me" syndrome, I have used the sure proof remedy of "What a privilege it is."  When a thought enters my mind that says "Wo is me", or leads to feeling sorry for my situation, I replace it by "What a privilege it is."  The options are endless with "What a privilege it is....", as I realize the copious amounts of blessings and privileges I have in my life. 

What a privilege it is to breath

What a privilege it is to move

What a privilege it is to be aware of myself (only humans do this, animals can not)

What a privilege it is to think

What a privilege it is to make decisions

What a privilege it is to learn

What a privilege it is to experience

What a privilege it is to love

What a privilege it is to have a family

What a privilege it is to have a job, even in a crappy economy

What a privilege it is to have so many conveniences in life others do not have

What a privilege it is to eat and nourish myself

What a privilege it is to be married, or single

What a privilege it is to have purpose

What a privilege it is to know my purpose

What a privilege it is to be a daughter of God

What a privilege it is to write and express my feelings

Truly, what a privilege it is.

So next time your mind falls into the "wo is me" category, and it will, its a part of life, replace it with "What a privilege it is".

Avoiding Annoying Experience

Today is Pioneer Day, and I went running upon arising.  This is a typical event as I do it most mornings, but this morning I had to run a bit faster in anticipation of my yoga friends meeting in my backyard for a yoga session.  As I went on my merry way I encountered not ONE, but TWO small dogs that seemed to find me in THEIR territory.  Both yapped trying their best to intimidate me with those loud barks that little dogs produce.  One even nipped at my heals attempting to instill more fear.  Neither dog was what I consider to be cute, just small.  Both dogs ran off after their moment of being heard.  (Below is Ginger, he wasn't either of the small dogs I encountered today, and he is extremely cute)

Upon returning home from my run encountering the small dogs, came the arrival of my yoga buddies.  Shortly after I began teaching our backyard session, a bee found me in what he considered to be his territory.  Again, much like the small dogs, he didn't seem to want to leave me alone.  He lingered long enough to interrupt our session, buzz in my ears, face, and chest. Eventually he left, and the session went on.  Not more than two hours later as Micah and I hiked to Waterfalls Canyon in Ogden I encountered bee number TWO.  He was more frustrating than the first, this time heading for my mouth, nose, and any other body orifice he could find.  He left, just as the first, but not without the struggle and irritation.  

Two small dogs, two buzzing bees, one day. I can only think of one word to describe the dogs and the bees - ANNOYING.  No other word quite captures the essence of what these creatures present to me.  Neither post any real threat or danger. After all what is the worst they could do? Bite or sting.  A dog bite and bee sting are easily overcome in the bigger scheme of things.  But as I come to ponder a bit on the dogs and bees in our life, I'd like to compare it to experience. 

There are all types of experience - fun, enlightening, peaceful, thrilling, loving, kind, gentle, exciting, passionate, dramatic, frightening, upsetting, awful.  Some of these experiences we seek for over and over, others we avoid like the black plague.  I realized that in the past few years I have become more open to inviting experience rather than avoid, to seize the moment the watch the clock.  This has produced a lot of wonderful things in my life, swinging from a trapeze, baking lots of cookies, teaching lots of yoga, marrying someone really great.  But all that said there are experiences probably daily that seem to exist only to take me off my path.  Perhaps like the dog or bee they are there to veer my off the task at hand.  Such experiences do not seem to hold any profound truth, hold any earth shattering epiphanies, teach an impactful lessons, or tell any amazing stories. They seem to exist simply to annoy. 

Sometimes I try to avoid annoying experience.  Oftentimes I expend much more energy in the avoiding of it that the pain of experiencing it.  And after all if I would have avoided such experience today I would have missed out on a beautiful run, a peaceful yoga session, and amazing hike to waterfall.  Avoiding annoying experience sometimes leads to missing out on the breathtaking experience just around the corner.

  

Sometimes the annoying experience is annoying people. Yes, they exist in a plethora of ways, but they don't really always have our annoyance as their goal.  They might actually, like the dogs and bees, be acting out of fear for their territory, ego in their bark, or revenge in their sting.  But they can't do much more than a small bite or sting which can't do much to damage us permanently.

Annoying experiences are just that - annoying.  I am pretty certain they aren't going away anytime soon, they have their place in life.  I have decided however that I will not give in to the energy it demands to avoid them, the thought it takes to analyze them, the frustration it takes to encounter.  I just accept them, annoying and all.  Isn't life great?

Unconditional Love...

Unconditional love - to love others regardless of their behavior towards you. This includes yourself.

This week in Yoga classes the theme has been the 'anahata' or Heart Chakra. Anahata means literally 'unstruck sound'.  They say we can receive inspiration in our 

mind and our heart. I challenged the students to listen more with their heart since it often gets neglected, not giving it enough attention.  The heart speaks softly, as an 'unstruck sound'.  The heart chakra houses 'nada', translated 'the pulse of life'. For an organs that dictates our ability to live, couldn't we benefit from listening to it more.

This leads me to taking my own challenge and listening to what my heart is telling me. My heart yearns to express my love to those I have had the opportunity to care most deeply for, those I only wish to someday love unconditionally...

Disclaimer: I recognize the immensity of the task to list each person with which I have come in contact and with whom I desire to love unconditionally, but I will listen to my heart and mind to recall just a few.

Gods I love: Only one, the supreme being that guides our lives

Husbands I love: Micah

Parents I love: Almon and Janis Clegg

Siblings I love: Diann, Carl, Brenda, Sherlene, Lynette, Caren, Sharon

Family I love: Nick, DeLite, Layne, Randy, Neil, Jeremy, Nate, Nicholas, Daisy, Spencer, Tomina, Naomi, Jenalyn, Rebekah, Carly Ann, Caleb, Max, Kendall, Landon, Asher, Quincy, Emily, Nicole, Trevor, Conner, Porter, Stone, Piper, Cruz, Sixti, Jaxx, Stori, Solei, Axel, Lennox, Karen, Kirt, Alec, Krystal, Megan, Gavin, Vern, Launa, Alene, Grant, Cal, Dennis, Dawn, Janice, Lavar, Evelyn, June, Marie, Melanie, Ty, Debbie, Sue, and the list goes on...

 

Teachers I love: Alan, Jean, Jody, Paula, Marcos, Rama, Lisa, Corena, Mark, God again, personal spirit and so many more

Friends I love: Staci, Anna, Deb, Rebeccah, Sarah, Kellie, Amie, Kimberly, Tamara, Stacia, Rachel, Rachelle, and the list goes on forever....

Yoga Students I love: Carol, Carolyn, June, Kay, Midori, Lisa, Rhonda, Sonia, Janeel, Connie, Morris, Ann, Sue, Janine, Jim, Cindy, Tamara, Leisl, Sherrie, Layton, Kevin, Linda, Sophie, and so many, many, many, many more....

I love you, I seek to love unconditionally, I desire to do more, be more, love more, listen more. From my heart to yours, namaste.

I love bicycles & mothers...

(Singing)I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike.

I love to ride my bicycle, I love to ride my bike...

(belting slowly, annunciating each syllable at the top of my lungs), BI-CY-CLE, I love to ride my bike..... 

These are the words that echo in my mind as I reflect upon my younger years of learning to ride a bike. My brother, Carl, used to sing this little Queen-esque jingle, and then he would end it with calling me Banana legs on behalf of my easily bruised legs.

Do you want the truth about my history with bicycles? Well it isn't much different then my history with men. I grew up on a very busy street, one with few sidewalks, blind curves every way you look, and danger zones on every corner.  Not only was it a busy and dangerous but two experience further tainted my view of my street. In kindergarten I was hit by a truck while crossing the street, due to a truck failing to yield to the bus stop sign.  Not a year later my older sisters friend entered our driveway on a bike too fast from the street. She couldn't take the corner and smashed our rock wall and was nearly killed. Due to this danger my parents decided that riding in the driveway was 

the only thing permissible.  Now granted it was a spacious driveway, but come-on circles in a driveway gets old quick. Adding fuel to the fire, being the youngest of 8, I was lucky to have a less than par hand-me-down for a first bicycle. So not every kids dream to ride an old unfitted bike in countless lame circles on a dangerous street. Now I can see why my brother resorted to a unicycle.

May 2, 2009 changed that. I have finally for the first time in my short 31 years have received a bicycle. I don't have any of the obstacles I had as a child, no dangerous street, no bad incidents as of yet, no driveway circling, and best of all, no lack of not having a cool bike. I almost feel as though I have received everything in life one could hope for. I mean what more could make you whole than a super cool woman inspired bicycle. I now have less awkward legs long enough to reach the petals and no more bruises banana legs.

I love life. I love my bicycle.

Today my bike took me to Yoga class in the am, to lymph drainage massage after, and to Assisted Living Center to see the sweetest old yogies around! Bike has become to me: confidence builder, Yoga promotor(perhaps I should get a sign), leg sculptor, and style producer in her minty green hue.

I am grateful for my legs.

I am grateful for my mother. She teaches to me to focus on what I can do, NOT what I can't do. This makes me happy!

To all green bikes and wonderful mothers everywhere, I love you!