My 'ode' to yoga...

Lately I have been pondering my love and loyalty to practicing and teaching yoga over the last 7-8 years.  Why do I love it so? Because it first loved me? From the very first yoga class I developed an uncanny attraction to yoga. While yoga is not a physical being that has the ability to love, it allowed me to give something back to myself.  It wasn't like any other exercise class I had ever been in, it didn't matter if I got the pose just right, and it didn't matter if I didn't look like my neighbor.  All that seemed to matter was that I honored me, honored my abilities, honored my individuality, and honored my body. After leaving yoga class, I found that I always slept better that night, that I felt more calm and peaceful. For the first time, exercise took on love rather than drudgery or punishment.  Comparing or judging yourself was strongly discouraged in yoga class, and no real end result was necessary to attain.  It became more than exercise to me, it became a practice of unconditional love. It helped peal away the layers of hurt, insecurity, fear, doubt.  In many ways aside from the Gospel, it was the first thing in my life I have ever REALLY committed to.

The commitment to yoga preceded many other commitments in my life: recommitment to my savior, a commitment to happiness, a commitment to a life of love instead of fear, a commitment to following passions, a commitment to my husband, and a commitment to living life to it's fullest. 

My favorite teacher, Alan Finger, who has taught yoga and meditation for over 40 years often gets the question "why practice yoga?" His answer is always the same,'because it allows YOU to become who YOU really are.'  I have always loved his response and likened it to my own situation. Today as I listened to meditation CD I was reminded again of this. But today the works took on a whole new meaning. Becoming who 'I' really am, does not mean becoming like my neighbor, or my sister, or my friend, or my yoga teacher. Becoming who 'I' really am is becoming the best 'Connie.'  Somewhere in the tumult of life I have given in to the temptation to compare myself with those around me. As I have done this I have unfairly compared my weaknesses with other's strengths. As I have looked at my environment I have seen only what I lack, or where I am deficient. With only looking at the many things I am not doing, I have overlooked all the things I do, and can do. It has brought me down to a place of insurmountable deficiencies, and feeling alone in a pit in which I can't crawl out. Last night as the wind swept through the trees and our home, the never-ending instability of the weather mirrored the instability of my heart. For a moment I felt me feeble heart had ceased.  I felt paralyzed with fear, with apprehension, with doubt, and uncertainty. It became so overwhelming I couldn't sleep or rest. I applied my yoga techniques to calm the mind, but nothing seemed to really help. I didn't fall asleep for several hours and when I did, my mind still raced with vivid dreams.

This morning as I once again revisited Alan's response 'yoga helps you become the person you really are,' I finally realized that I don't have to become anyone else. I don't have to waste time and precious energy trying to become another person that I am not. God knows me and loves me for who I am, not my neighbor. I realized that in addition to all the wonderful gifts of yoga, that it has also helped me to see things more clearly, to perceive and understand things as they really are. It clears the maya (illusion) and taps us into our abundance and grace. 

I can hardly believe that after practicing yoga for years I have never made this connection, but I suppose this is the power of a practice that always gives back. As I give to yoga, it gives back to me. Yoga in sanskrit, means 'union' or 'oneness'. It is when we align our mind, body, and spirit to become 'one' that we can access higher realms of consciousness, and become who 'YOU" really are.  

They found Joy in Cooking and Joy in Life.

These are the words on the cover "The Lynn Family Recipes," a beautiful addition to my collection of cookbooks I received this weekend.  I was pleased to have the opportunity to apprentice one of the finest bakers north of Salt Lake I have ever met.  A kind Jerry Lynn invited me into his home, into his baking delights, and into his joyful world. The Lynn cookbook was just one small token of the visit, the knowledge and experience however far surpassing the recipes. I learned on Friday, that simple Jerry Lynn is a master in his own right. He can make more cinnamon rolls and fresh bread than probably all of our efforts combined. The most impressive part, it's all by hand. The only modern devices he uses is a mixer and an oven, the rest is from the palm of his hand.  As I watched his hands and feet shuffle around the kitchen, I observed Jerry in 'his flow'. It was clear the kitchen is 'his' domain. He has a familiarity and efficiency that surpasses our everyday use of the kitchen. He told me that during busy seasons he produced up to 80 dozen cinnamon rolls and 140 dozen muffins. Jerry owned a bakery for many years in South Bountiful area. If you are familiar you may remember his incredible cinnamon roles or fresh pies. 

How did I encounter such a mentor of baked goods? The meeting of Jerry Lynn has been magical from the start. He is my neighbor at the Bountiful Farmers Market and a backyard Beekeeper of 20-60,000 bees. He sell his honey that he bottles in his own home, and friends there simply is no better honey out there.  At first meeting I may have thought that his skills stopped at Beekeeping alone, but little did I know the baking genius that lied beneath.  Jerry was kind and inquisitive of my small cookie business and eager to help teach me cinnamon roles. I mentioned to him that I felt good with cookies and Gluten Free, but the thought of Gluten Full flours and yeast made me as nervous as a little girl. In fact, we can blame this on my mother but she never cared to make fresh bread other than a bread machine and her first experience as a child baking bread it turned out like a brick. I had assumed it simply wasn't worth learning. Well, I was wrong. 

Baking bread is a science, an art, and gets better with experience. Jerry doesn't have to analyze or read recipes, baking bread is a part of who he is, it's second nature. I feel this way with cookies, but not with bread, and not with golf. Perhaps someday I will, but I realized that while we take these skills and dilute them with modern appliances, technology, and quickie solutions, there is simply no substitute for the hand made process of making and shaping bread.  Yeast is living, so we treat is kindly and let it multiply in it's element. It isn't as temperamental as I once thought after understanding the properties in which it likes to grow. 

Life has turned around for me, for years I spent time trying to climb the corporate ladder, find more money, bigger homes, faster ways of doing things. Now I find solace in the simple beauty of life, in a small garden, in a simple pose, in working with my hands, and leaving a labor of love in my path. 

Jerry left me with a new found knowledge that I certainly couldn't place a price tag. His knowledge come from generations of finding joy in cooking and joy in life.  I am certainly not convinced that I will own a bakery with yeast breads, but I do know see the love and dedication it takes produce a legacy.

Dreams....

I have been having a lot of dreams lately.  The kind you wake up thinking, 'wow that was random'. Lots of Dreams. Dreams about cookies, dreams about yoga, dreams about friends, dreams about clouds, dreams of success, and dreams of dreaded failure. Every time I wake up from these random dreams I realize that my reality far exceeds any dream I could ever have.

I wake up every day realizing I am not alone....

In fact, I have the best friend any one could ever wish for...

He's playful...

He loves beautiful places...

And kisses...

He likes to get his feet wet...

and he drinks lots of milk for strong bones...

But most of all he is always by my side when I need him most...

My sweet Micah asked for my hand in marriage Oct. 26th 2008. As we returned to Cannon Beach, Oregon this last week, I was reminded how sweet it is to be loved by him, and how he makes life far exceed my dreams.

For the love...

Of cookies. These are not my words, and I typically like to share my own, but this ode to Cookies spoke to my soul, moved me profoundly, and helped me realize there are others that feel as strongly about an amazing Gluten Free cookie as I do.

So Katrina Allrich, thank you, thank you, and thank you.

"My Ode to Cookies 

Life is short, number one. And just because I have celiac disease doesn't mean I surrender to a life without chocolate chip cookies. And coffee laced cookies. And mint chocolate chip cookies. I'm not giving up on warm-from-the-oven melty chocolate goodness. I'm most definitely not settling for any month old pre-packaged gluten-free poor excuse for a cookie. No way. Not gonna happen.

Because a good cookie is no small thing.

A good cookie can make you smile, even after a long, achingly crappy day. A good cookie might even bring you a kiss. Or little arms of appreciation wrapped around your neck. A good cookie might make you a new friend. Or prove to the class that you're not a total, allergic freak living on weirdo food that you have to feel sorry for and throw bread balls at.

A good cookie can make you feel like you belong."

Beautiful

Axelism's

Is it possible to love any kids more than how much I love these?

After having the wonderful opportunity to spend time with our niece and nephew, Solei and Axel, I am not sure if it is possible to adore them more than I do now.  I would like to place them in a bottle and keep them eternally young. My sister, Sharon and hubbie Nate went off to San Fran for the weekend and Micah and I played mom and dad.  Spending time with them was a great reminder of how the simple things in life are so darn exciting!

We had all sorts of fun adventures from Swiss Days,

 to petting horses, 

eating yummy food, 

collecting and painting acorns, 

swimming and playgrounds, 

picking in the garden,

cutting out doll dresses and coupons,

camping out in the backyard,

discovering giraffes, 

looking at the neighbors rock collections,

church and more.  Through out the weekend I payed special attention to my little 3 yr old nephew's comments as they were rather witty for a 3 yr old. He definitely echos his older sister quite a bit, but he had some great one liners that must be captured. 

While we were walking home from church Sunday some of the 16 yr olds from church where being kind of rowdy in their pickup and honking the horn loudly. Axel had just the right comment as we were crossing the street when he said "They can't honk their horn, they can't honk their horn, Jesus is WATCHING them!" This kid is pretty close to the spirit.

Later that night we were looking for Bear, the stuffed animal, who was lost in the sleeping bag.  Axel was quite concerned and said "Where is he? He can't walk away. He isn't real."  I commented to Micah "Wow Axel is smart!", Axel piped up, "I am."

This is a kid who knows how life works and he's only three. We were so fortunate to spend some time with them and have sweet Sarah Astill hang out with us also. Fortunately, I think Micah is now ecstatic to start having some little ones of our own!

Firm, steadfast, and immovable

As I was a child I remember going to church and hearing in Sunday school about how we are in the last days? I always thought "how could the day's end?" It perplexed me as a youngster but as I have grown, and delved into the scriptures, I recognize the "last days" refers to the second coming of our Savior. I read the Book of Mormon, and whether you consider yourself Mormon or not, I love the teachings this book imparts of the Savior appearance in the americas. It is undoubtedly the best book I have found to share insight on preparing for the return of our Savior. 

As I was reading today in 3 Nephi 6, I was reminded of the great wickedness and calamity the preceded the Savior's visit. There was a great amount of wickedness, and as I compare that to our day, I recognize that things have come full circle. The evil about us today is all around, it does surround us on every side, temptations do abound. All sorts of distractions distance us from our God, and dull us to the light of Christ.  Sometimes I identify with Nephi in his heartfelt prayer when he is pained by the small sins that detract him from his course. 

This great book, The Book of Mormon, imparts great wisdom, and I am reminded of this each time I read in it.  This morning it became increasingly apparent that I follow the specific counsel and wisdom of 3 Nephi 6: 14 to combat such perils in our day. I absolutely must be "firm, and steadfast, and immovable, willing with all^bdiligence to keep the commandments of the Lord." Firm, steadfast, and immovable; the image that conjures up in my mind when I think on those words, is a rock.  This week in primary we sang 'The wise man and the foolish man'. I love this song, because it is so simple, we can build ourselves on sand and be washed away when the storm comes, 

or we can build upon the rock, and stand still through the storm. 

Now is the time to decide, to be like the foolish man or the wise man. The last days are upon, wickedness is spreading hour by hour; and I can build myself upon sand or the rock. I have the choice, but to me their really isn't a choice, because I have already chosen a path to return to my father. To me the rock provides the "firm, steadfast, and immovable" foundation that I seek to get me there safely.  

In Yoga classes I often ask students to balance on one foot for an extended period of time (like 60-90 seconds).  Ok, so not that long in the scheme of things, but feels like an eternity when you are doing it.  Sometimes we just flow into the balance without advance notice and other times I prepare them mentally.  I have noticed that when they are prepared in their minds, and visualize their standing foot as an anchor holding them, they seem to appear more firm, steadfast, and immovable. When we flow into the pose sometimes their is unsteadiness at the beginning, but as they trust in their support of the earth and their standing leg, they too become firm, steadfast, and immovable.

 It is possible to balance without falling in the storms of life, but we must remember who we are, and where we are going, and most importantly to trust we will be supported every second. 

Small Miracles

Small miracles happen every day, let me tell you about one that has drastically shaped my life. It happened a little over a year ago, June 8, 2008, the DAY I met THE Micah Joel Day. Now you may think the small miracle was meeting this wonderful man, but let me explain, there's more....

You see at the time I was attending the Inwood 3rd Singles Ward on 204th st, conveniently located nearly 100 blocks away from my home on 112th street. With church located on the north end of Manhattan, it was easily a 45-95 minute commute to church.  Sure it would have been loads easier to attend the Manhattan 8th ward, East side singles ward, or even the Harlem Ward as they were a 15-20 minute train ride away at most, but that wasn't were boundaries had placed me. Don't get me wrong I LOVED the Inwood 3rd Ward, but it was not the shortest trip to church! 

Now with the subway being my sole transportation in the city, the infrequency of weekend train schedules, and the A/C train UNDER CONSTRUCTION every single Sunday from the day I moved to NYC, it was a miracle to even arrive at church at all. Depending on when you step foot in the Subway, taking 110th st, a local stop, was always a crabshoot. Somedays it was only 40 minutes, other days 95 minutes, no joke. The problem of express only or local only on the weekends was every stop, or no stops, and waiting for a train that only comes every 25 minutes and then switches to a SHUTTLE BUS. Which is really fantastic because a shuttle bus in NYC moves slightly faster than the pace of a turtle. 

This combined with my already propensity to be late did not make for a good situation to arrive to 1pm church in a timely fashion. But a huge thanks to Tamara Duricka, who on several sundays remedied this by allowing me to drive to church with her!

So June 8, 2008 was an odd day. I was called to be a ward missionary a few weeks prior, and challenged to make friends and sit with newcomers in Sacrament Mtg. I suppose I took the challenge to heart because I was in the Subway by atleast 12:20pm, a miracle in and of itself. Then the train god's must have aligned to arrive me at church promptly at 12:55pm. With 5 minutes to spare, I hardly knew what to do with myself. Alas I remembered the mandate, welcome the newcomers. My dear friend Tamara Duricka was sitting with a friend by her side. Tamara often had out-of-towner's visiting her, and each of them I had instantly hit it off with. I knew any friend of Tamara was a friend of mine.  So I went up to the 2nd row and met Micah Joel Day. At first I was slightly disappointed he was visiting from Bountiful, UT, but I put that aside and sought to get to know him better.  

That afternoon was a linger longer, and we all know how the food can be at those. I went up to the linger longer and got hit in one of those awkward conversations with a nice guy you have no interest in and hate to have to reject if he asks you out.  Tamara was making dinner, and as all Knight in Shining Armors do, Micah Joel Day interrupted to conversation to ask me over to Tamara's for a heartier meal than cookies and punch!  Of course I couldn't turn him down. Bonus was a ride HOME from church, so NO 40-95 minute train rides for me!

I went back to Tamara's later that eve and enjoyed the good company.  I also discovered this Bountiful Boy was quite a pistol, he had the same disdain for mormon single social affairs as I did, and we bonded just like that. Tamara had her boyfriend over, and I knew Micah needed a break from the couplehood which surrounded him.  I was attending Stephanie Lebadies final Ballet performance at the Joffrey School that night with Kim Calder, my VT partner. I didn't think Micah would be very interested in a Ballet, especially with a girl he didn't know, but he decided to come when I asked. You see a missionary is always taught to invite, and invite I did!

That night Micah, Kim, and I attended the Ballet, it was fun to banter back and forth. We seemed to have a great conversation that lasted all the way home and for several more hours at my apartment. Not only did he watch Ballet, but he also ate my Vegan Gluten Free treats, while I was on the 9 day Vegan challenge. I knew he was a keeper. So despite lots of distance, Micah invited me to be his phone-a-friend, how could I turn him down. 

So you see, the small miracle was that I was on time to church! From there I met Micah Joel Day and that night we began a conversation that has not ended. We've spent approx 400 hours on the phone, 140 hours in a car, and 213 days being married, and I LOVE to talk to Micah every day for as long as I can! I hope he will talk to me forever!

Not the end, just the beginning...