Like it or not...

Utah has domesticated me...

Oh how I have fought domestication for years, about 12 to be exact. At the ripe age of 18 I realized the role of women was quite a contrast than that of men, but I vowed at that time to be just as independent, self reliant as any man could every be.

Well, tough cookie, you made it. Luckily you didn't get so crusty that no man ever wanted to bite into you.

This is the epiphany of the day. Bye, bye city girl, no more NYC to take care of every convenience on earth. No more paying someone to wash and fold my clothes. Ok, so those of you that know me well know I am way too cheap to have ever payed for that service, but I did splurge on a housecleaner.

New York City is said to be a city that is 'full of convenience'. As I reflect on my experience there, I would say it is 'inconveniently convenient.' Truly it is glut with conveniences, a convenience store on every corner. The only thing that makes them inconvenient, hmmm, they close at 8pm, when you never ever get home from work before 9pm. You have to pack all your groceries home with your own two hands. I did however have the privilege of living in Harlem, which meant the collapsable grocery cart is your friend. In my NYC hood, if you don't see several on every street corner, something just feels wrong.

That said, I am now a wife. I am female through and through. I am not ashamed to admit my favorite color is pink.

I like to bake cookies,

I like to make people feel good, I like to cook,

I like to create a comfy home,

and I absolutely adore sweet kisses,

and yes someday I even want babies. You got it, all the characteristics of a woman.

There is no denying or hiding any longer. I probably took longer than most to realize and honor my femininity, I never really wanted a child for a long time, I just didn't know what I would do with it. When the friends got married at 18 yrs old in college I balked at the tenacity of such a choice. I know have arrived, resistant as I might. But Connie, it's time to let go of the resistance. After working in Banking for 7 years, finishing my education, purchasing 2 homes, pursuing my passions, and living the dream, it's time to move on. I am grateful for the experiences I've had that have led me to where I am today. But the feeling often comes that of all the accomplishments that can be attained in this world, nothing compares to that of a having a family. I suppose I am finally growing up, which is so much better than growing down.

Love is in the air...

As I breathe in love fills not only the spaces within me but all the space around me, enveloping, all consuming. The all consuming love that I can feel, surely must come from a being much greater than myself. It is hard to define this type of love, and my mortal mind can hardly comprehends it's depth.

Every now and then, ok, all the time, I limit the power of love to what my mind can understand. Then I seemed to be reminded, of course from the mouthpiece of God, that love truly is a much stronger force than I originally envisioned. As 2009 rolls to an end, I am reminded that the theme of this year is Love. I initially thought the new marriage began would be the apex of that theme. Well, certainly it is a part, but as I come full circle from Jan 24, 2009, the day Micah and I were sealed, to November 22, 2009 (1 year after moving to Utah), I realize that the love that has deepened more than I could have fathomed, is not just the love of a spouse, but the love of God. And the truth is God's love has always been present, only my openness to receiving it fades in and out. I recognize that this gift, the love of God, makes possible the love of a human relationship. There simply is no other way. This is not the prescribed outcome I had anticipated in the first 10 months of marriage. But, it is the outcome I needed.

When we set an intention at the start of a yoga practice, it is often set only to allow us to be open to the possibility that the intention might shift or change completely. Sometimes this is anticipated, most often, it is not, but it is always what needs to happen. This inherent beauty of the practice, when the flow takes over, allows divine wisdom to manifest itself. We just make an offering with full trust that what needs to happen, will indeed happen. And with that trust, it always does.

To know the God's love indeed is the "center of ALL" as spoken by Elder Uchtdorf in Oct Conference, sharpens my desires to let love be at the heart of every decision, large or small. To taste and savor the love present in all things, seems a noble pursuit. My vision has shifted, but my intent the same, to honor the love of God in all things, and to participate in it's transformative powers.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Is it too early for Christmas decorations? My answer has been yes for years, feeling that poor Thanksgiving gets the raw end of the stick in the shadow of Christmas anticipation.  In my childhood the tree and all decorations always waited until the day after Thanksgiving. My husband likes things a bit different, and he decided to start on the outdoor lights, which led to a candy cane pole, and then some candy canes to frame the house, and a 6 ft toy soldier (one of Micah's favorite Christmas gifts). 

Then believe it or not, it was actually myself that suggested we add the tree into the mix, and Micah had to get his usual Hallmark collection ornaments of a plane an motorcycle to adorn it. He is proudly up to 13 years on this collection.

So now we have tree, chimney with stockings, and full house of Christmas decorations. I even topped it off today with a 24 day advent calender! Oh what joy fills our house and hearts! The outer decor is just an manifestation of the inner joy this holiday offers!

Please forgive me sweet Thanksgiving for shadowing you in the least, I am deeply grateful for you.  It just so happened that Christmas has come early this year, and we are flowing with it. 

Oatmeal Scotchies

Oatmeal Scotchies

Ok, so the truth is I make, bake, and consume cookies year round, regardless of the season, but there is something wonderful about Christmas time upon us that delights my soul in the smell of cookies. With the inception of Connie's Cookies this year, the good old oatmeal scotchie almost seemed  forgotten until I was quickly reminded while staring at a bag of Butterscotch chips today at Super Target.  I just knew they had to come home with me. 

This baby combines the goodness of an oatmeal cookie, but cuts out the raisins which almost might be too healthy, and adds some butterscotch yumminess.  The recipe is quite traditional but I love to add my own little variations to make it feel like my own. The rice crispies and pudding are optional (but they sure are fun!)

 Another reason I can't wait to open a Connie's Cookie Paradise where you can individualize your own little dreams.  Here is how todays creation came together. 

Note: This is for high altitude (4500 ft), if at sea level decrease flour 1/4 cup, and increase baking powder 1/2 tsp.

Ingredients:

3 cups Whole Wheat Pastry Flour

3 cups oats

2 tsp baking powder

2 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp nutmeg (opt)

1/8 tsp clove (opt)

1 tsp sea salt

Mix all dry ingredients above in a bowl, set aside.

1/2 cup butter

1/4 cup canola oil

1/2 cup sugar

1 cup brown sugar

1 small 4 oz. butterscotch pudding snack

2 eggs

1-2 tsp vanilla

Cream together butter, sugar, add oil. Add butterscotch pudding snack, 2 eggs, and vanilla, mix until well combined. Add dry ingredients. Mix slowly until just combined.

Mix-ins

1 cup rice crispies

1 - 1 1/2 cup butterscotch chips (to your liking)

Mix-in by hand. Refrigerate dough for 1-24 hours for best flavor.  Bake in preheated oven 350 degrees 8-12 minutes depending on size of cookie.

Enjoy!

Like home again...

My mission president's wife used to always say "Bloom where you are planted."  I have been fighting blooming in Bountiful, UT. Not sure why? Maybe I miss the experiences I had in New York, the people I met, the souls that taught me, the life I gained, the cozy little studio I made my own.  As cliche as it may sound, I could say "I found myself in NYC." Self realization dawned on me in greater magnitude than ever it had before.  I fell in love in New York, fell in love with life. 

One of my wise yoga teachers used to say "The only constant thing in life is change." So why do I fight this change so?  I don't see the whole picture, but I am doing my best "to bloom where I am planted", as sweet Sister Pullan suggested. So thanks to some improvements to my outer world, my inner world is feeling more like home...

Bye bye fluorescent bulbs, welcome hallogen! Amazing what a new light can do.

A little office to call my own,

oh sweet hooks, you give bag and jacket a home.

Big palm, and,

little palms, the air already feels better.

A painted hallway, so trips to the bathroom and bedroom are much more pleasing. And last but not least...

A little spot for yoga. I have some plans for this space also, but one thing at a time. 

Thanks to my sweet husband who braved the 4 hr Ikea trip, a 3 hour assembly jobs, and countless hours of hearing me complain. Oh how I love you.  But our efforts this weekend are pale in comparison to the months of effort my sweet husband put into remodeling the home 3 1/2 years ago when he purchased it. Little did he know he was creating a home, not just for himself, but he was creating a home for us. 

After all, life isn't really about the great big moments, rather it's about making a great big deal out of the small moments.

Indeed, it is starting to feel like home again... and what makes it feel that way more than all the home improvements combined...