Sharon 1974-2022

Sharon is my older sister, and I am her only younger sibling out of eight children. Sharon and her twin sister, Caren, make number 6 and 7 out of the eight, seven of which happen to be girls. Sharon was born October 14th 1974, and slipped out into the world a few minutes after her twin, Caren. Mom used to always tell us the story growing up that she didn't know she was having twins, they didn't have ultrasounds in the 70's. Mom would say the reason she thought her belly was so big was because she was pregnant with a huge boy. She also would comment that her delivery with the twins was the easiest, that there tiny bodies just slithered out one at a time being quite small at about 5 lbs each. 

We had an unusually large family for a NJ suburb growing up in the 1970's and 80's, and I remember feeling a bit relieved mom and dad chose to have me, number 8, in spite of having 7 older children that included a set of twins. Mom was certainly very busy solo parenting as Dad had a demanding work, travel, and church schedule. Despite the demands on time, she still made Sharon and Caren little matching dresses and outfits on her sewing machine.

 

From top, Brenda, Carl, Lynette, Diann, Sharon, Connie (baby), Sherlene, Caren

The twins and I were about 3.5 years apart, so naturally we spent a lot of time together as children. It seems like most photos and memories include all three of us, as an inseparable trio ❤.  Our family moved to a house on 24 Sanders Rd in Rockaway, NJ when the twins were 4 years old and I was just a baby of a few months, in late 1978.  This childhood home was a large 3-story, 4-bedroom home with a large basement, and huge green backyard that included a screened porch, creek and waterfall. The picture below was in the dining room where Mom kept a hutch displaying her collection of items Dad brought her back from Japan, where he traveled often while working for Panasonic and Denon. In the kitchen her other famous hutch contained an interesting collection of chickens on a nest.

We spent a lot of time playing outside. We often played in the woods next to the waterfall, those woods felt so large and never ending to me as a child. We had many adventures crossing streams and big rocks. I recall getting lost with Sharon and Caren for several hours in the woods one afternoon after school. Mom was so upset we were gone so long she came looking for us. We got in big trouble for not telling her what we were up to.

We also loved to cross over in our neighbor's large backyard at times. It was owned by an older retired couple, The Scott's. He was always out in the warmer weather religiously mowing his back lawn with his ride on mower. They were nice friends and often Mom would take us to their house for a visit as they were not able to get out very much. The conversations seemed endless but The Scott's often indulged Sharon, Caren and I with ice cream sandwiches for our patience in adult conversation.

The large creek and waterfall in the backyard provided endless hours of entertainment. There was a small rock landing close to the waterfall just big enough for the three of us to perch on and watch the water roll down. We loved to throw rocks, sticks, acorns into the calm water before it entered the rushing waterfall. We also had a swing near the water that felt like if you swung high enough you could jump right into the creek. 

Every summer our family took a road trip, a LONG 32-hour drive from NJ to Utah, it would take us several days just to arrive before staying for a week. This annual summer pilgrimage was mainly to visit our extended family that we did not live close to including grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Mom and Dad both came from large families raised in Utah, so there were many cousins to meet, and it was almost impossible to meet them all. We made the cross-country trip in a large Ford Econoline Van. It had a small couch that was not affixed to the van, and we would sprawl out on the van floor as we drove, as these were the days before seat belts were required. If we got lucky on the drive, we would stop at a motel with a pool, or maybe a 10-cent ice cream cone at Little America. One trip in particular we listened to the Carpenters album what felt like 100 times. I think I had every word memorized from the entire album by the end of the trip. My favorite song was "Sing", I really loved that there were children as the backup vocals singing 'la la la la,...'. It made me feel like that song was made for us little ones in an adult world. Here is the van that produced these memorable journeys.

Arriving in Utah after the cross country trek, I recall visiting Grandpa and Grandma Clegg, Grandma Proctor (Grandpa Proctor passed away when I was a baby), Aunt Alene and Uncle Grant Misbach, and many others. Grandma Clegg really liked to feed us, on one particular morning we had eaten breakfast at her house. Right after eating we went to cousin Misbachs' where they offered us pancakes. I must have overindulged because all I remember is the pancakes coming back up and landing on the their bushes in their front lawn. To this day I still don't like pancakes.

One summer day while visiting we hiked up Mt. Timpanogas with the Misbach cousins, I recall thinking my cousins were much older than me, and the truth is they were. Mom, being the youngest, and Dad 2nd to youngest, made me the youngest of the entire generation of cousins on both sides. 

Despite the age difference, Sharon and Caron were lucky enough to have two cousins close in age that they could be friends with, Melanie Misbach (dad's sister Alene's daughter) and Marlene Clegg (dad's brother LaVar's daughter). They had fun visiting them in the summers.

I recall Mom took a Wilton cake decorating class when we were little. I'm sure it helped with all the birthday cakes she would make for eight children through the years.

Christmas was full of fond memories where we eagerly awaited what Santa would bring in our stockings. Often there was candy and something fun, but also practical items. Most of the entire day we spent opening one gift at a time, which took quite some time considering there was ten of us. We always had two trees, one in the living room that was mom's tree with nicer matching ornaments and white lights, and a kid's tree in the family room with a mixture of homemade ornaments and colored lights.  I remember one year when we decided to draw names for the sibling gifts. Sharon's name was picked by Carl, and he got her cabbage patch earmuffs and caramel popcorn.  Some of the other gifts were quite large so she seemed a little disappointed in her gift. We caught it on video, it was pretty funny. This was tree in the family room.

Sharon, Caren, and I shared the same bedroom with bunk beds and a twin bed for several years as children.  We wore giant adult t-shirts as pajamas and spent plenty of time staying up late telling stories, bed hopping, and laughing.  When we were small every Saturday night after all three of us took a bath together. After the bath mom had a tradition of putting pink sponge curlers in our hair to sleep in so we would have curly hair for Sunday. Our hair was definitely curly Sunday mornings, but we all hated sleeping on the curlers, it was so uncomfortable. However, I don't remember complaining, it was just what we did.

Mom wasn't big into any beauty regimes with the exceptions of hair permanents. She received a permanent herself at least twice a year. She always kept her hair short and curly, while we donned bangs and longer locks with curls at the end. Since we were all born with stick straight hair this was mom's perfect solution, along with the pink sponge curlers. Mom was convinced a permanent would help your hair hold a curl better, so once Sharon, Caren and I got about school age she began to give us permanents about twice a year. As Sharon and Caren got older and wanted to be differentiate themselves Sharon often kept her hair longer, while Caren would cut hers short and dye it blonder.

I remember when the day came that Sharon, Caren and I could finally have our own rooms. In such a big family, it felt like a miracle.  Despite all of us really wanting our own space, it was a bit strange and lonely to no longer sleep in the same room. Sharon took the room right next to me closer to the garage side of the house. I remember the set up with her twin bed in the corner, her vanity to do makeup/hair on the opposite corner, a closet/dresser full of clothes, and a window in between that went out to the roof above the garage. While my room also had a window to the roof, we used Sharon's window more often to escape out of because it was more discreet being on the backside of the house. Sometimes Sharon and Caren escaped to suntan, other times we went out just to prove we could go on the roof and not get caught. Lucky for us, we never fell off.

In grade school Sharon and Caren would often go to play at Chrissy Cullen's house after school. She lived in the new subdivisions (which wasn't all that new) on the top end of Sanders road. Having a friend within walking distance was always a huge plus. I was little, and mom did not want me left behind so she would often send me to Chrissy's house with them. I always felt like the little sister forced to tag-a-long, but Sharon, Caren, and Chrissy were pretty nice to me in spite of it. The only thing I really remember was that Chrissy had a big dog that scared me because he was as big as me. Incidentally Chrissy had a flute she no longer used when I was ready to start an instrument. I was so happy her mom sold it to us for $50, because our parents never would have a bought me a new one and I desperately wanted to play.

Sharon, Caren, and I attended Dwyer elementary school and were always three years apart in grades. It was an interesting layout for a school, there were no walls. It was laid out with classrooms in a big circle with only bookshelves to act as separators. It must have gotten loud. I recall that Sharon and Caren would sometimes get in trouble by their teachers because they mistook one for the other. I think they were often in separate classrooms which was best since they wanted their own identities. 

Growing up as a sibling to twins I thought that all twins looked alike and that their names rhymed, like Caren and Sharon's did. I think it took until near adulthood to realize that is not always the case.  Caren and Sharon fought as all siblings do but the also had a special friendship that I was always envious of. They understood each other in a way others did not, and they also loved to do almost everything together. 

One Fall morning when I was in Kindergarten and Sharon and Caren were in 3rd grade; we all waited near the mailbox in the driveway for the bus to take us to school.  Since the bus came up the opposite side of the street it necessitated us to cross the street as the bus would open its stop sign for oncoming traffic while we crossed. While we waited for the bus we stood in a line of three taking turns who got to be the leader to cross the street. Being the youngest I really looked forward to when it would be my turn to stand first in the line. On this particular morning I recall my excitement, and as soon as I saw the bus coming to a stop I quickly dashed across the street in haste. Unfortunately, my over-eagerness led me to run out a little too fast because I was hit by a pickup truck in the process.  Apparently it hit me up in the air and I landed right by the mailbox.  Mom raced downstairs to get me and I remember an ambulance came to take me to the hospital.  It was lucky I just had a few stitches and bruises, it could have been much worse.  I came home after they put in stitches and I remember the driver of the pickup truck that hit me came by to see how I was doing. All I remember was how much I did not want to see him!

Part of the driveway had a large, landscaped area with a tree and giant rock the three of us would climb on. The rock was an area we often played on, especially when it rained. It had a natural dip in the rock that collected rain water, so Sharon and Caren and I made rock soup, A LOT. We also played King or queen of the hill by racing to the top. 

Sharon might not appreciate this picture but she is sitting on the big rock that created so many memories!

Let's talk food for a minute. Mom and Dad were definitely post-depression babies being born in the late 1930's and had a large family with many mouths to feed. Mom was very frugal and often bought off brand and non-sweetened cereals and snacks. Saturday morning cartoons were often accompanied by a bowl of cereal and a spoonful of white sugar poured on top. For snacks we ate generic brand chips mom would buy, the twins and I loved Sour Cream and Onion because at least they had some flavor. As Sharon and Caren hit their teenage years, they began their quest to eat healthier and joined the fat free fad. Their favorites included bagels, Fat Free Entemmans', and frozen yogurt. It seemed like if it was fat free, we could eat as much as we wanted and calories didn't matter, ha, ha!

I also remember Halloween costumes in the attic, when Halloween rolled around we had a really old collection of dress ups in the hot attic. As we would go upstairs to try them on, the sweaty polyester made the choices horribly unappealing. Despite that, Sharon was still able to come up with clever costumes out of her own wardrobe, and make-up.  She was always creative and resourceful. 

Sharon attended Morris Knolls high school from 1989-1993. During that time of life, Sharon emanated cool in everything she did. Her taste in clothes, alternative music, and attention from boys was abundant and so enviable. Sharon and Caren also started running and exercising regularly in their early teen years. Everything they did I mimicked because I wanted to be just like them. Our Dad was an electrical engineer that helped pioneer the VideoDisk technology, and we were one of the few families that had a videodisk player and quite a few movies. One of the videodisk had an exercise program on it. So Sharon and Caren did it almost every day for a period of time, and I desperately tried to follow along.

Check out these Heartbreakers ❤ 

Caren, Connie, Sharon

In high school Sharon and Caren played field hockey. The team hadn't won a game in over 10 years. Sharon didn't care, it took the pressure off her to score and allowed her to participate in a sport with a cute skirt. And for Sharon looking cute was even more important than winning a game. Since I looked up to them, I of course followed and played field hockey in high school as well.

Sharon had great taste in music in high-school, she listened to alternative groups like Echo and the Bunny men, the Smiths, the Cure, Morrisey, Depeche Mode and many other alternative bands. There was definitely a heavy influence from older siblings with music, it was nice to listen to something better than the New Kids pop of the day. I appreciated a chance to stand out from the crowd by mimicking their taste in music. 

I remember Sharon and Caren dressing up for the prom, they had what seemed to me the prettiest dresses and the best dates. In fact when Sharon was a freshman she had a boyfriend that really liked her, Bobby Dundero. He was a senior in high school and it seemed like older boys always liked her. He had a car and would pick up and drop off the twins from high school every day. It was super enviable to be a freshman that got a ride to school without having to take the bus.

Once Sharon and Caren became old enough to drive they shared a red 2 seater Honda CRX. Naturally, they took turns driving and I always got the back seat. Well, actually it wasn't a seat, just a small space I had to hunch over to fit in. I had to hunch over everyday on the way to school to ride with them and never sat in an actual seat, but it was a small price to pay to avoid the bus and ride with my cool senior sisters. They shoved a lot friends back there in that 'not a seat' back. 

When the twins left for college in 1993 the house was very empty, and I felt their absence. They had been my buddies all those years and now I was left with just parents, which seemed boring.  The following year in 1994 Mom, Dad and I moved from the NJ home to GA. It was a big goodbye to all the memories the twins and I had growing up in Sanders Road house.

Throughout the next several years Sharon and I did not live as close and although we both went to Utah State our time did not overlap. After attending USU for a few years, Sharon got married in 96' and went from living in Logan to SLC to Tooele, and eventually Sugarhouse.  At the same time I was at BYU, at Utah State, and also on a mission.  I remember visiting Sharon when her and Nate lived in the avenues, I spent a Thanksgiving or two with them.  I also remember visiting Sharon when she lived in Tooele. When Solei was born I remember visiting in Tooele, and holding little 5 pound Solei shortly after Sharon returned from the hospital. She was so tiny and beautiful, an absolute miracle.

From late 2008-mid 2011 we lived closer  and could spend more time together. Sharon lived in Sugarhouse and had just had her third baby Lennox. She was busy with three small children but it was a fun time that our lives overlapped. I married Micah in Jan 2009 and moved to Bountiful. Being just 20 minutes away we would take walks around sugarhouse park, go to the playground with Axel and Solei, and visit to just chat and see all of her jewelry and homemade house decor.  Despite being a busy mom Sharon always made time for of beautiful creations. At that time I taught yoga about 5 minutes away at Flow on 21st and 21st, so it was easy to visit on the way to class. We often just talked on the front porch while the kids played outside.  Micah and I got a taste of parenting when we had Solei and Axel stay with us for Labor Day weekend in 2009 while Sharon and Nate went to San Francisco for the weekend. It was really fun to get to know them, they were such cuties.

Two specific memories stand out during the 2.5 years we lived close by in SLC.  I had been in NYC for several years but had recently moved back to Utah with my engagement to Micah. Upon moving to Utah I had two months to plan a wedding, no job, and no place to live. Sharon immediately offered to do all the flowers for our wedding, which was a huge relief.  Her help was so generous and selfless, with a 6-month-old baby and two toddlers. Her flowers added a beauty to my wedding I will never forget, and I am grateful for her time and generosity.

About two years later I was expecting the birth of my first baby. Bridger was born on January 14th 2011, about 2 weeks early. I remember calling Sharon to share the exciting news, and as were talking I realized I wasn't sure where the baby would sleep since I only had a full size crib!  She immediately calmed my fears by bringing over a pack n play with a newborn insert the day I returned from the hospital. She also generously brought a pump and lots of other baby items to help the transition to parenthood. She was generous with her love, time, stories and support while I made the big jump to motherhood. She had a way of reassuring me of what I was going through, as only a sister can.

In the summer of 2011 Sharon and her family moved to southern CA with a new job offer. Sharon's neighborhood had a nice going away party (pics below). When we came to the party I had injured both heal pads and could not walk without a walker (a longer story for another day). It was a challenging situation as not being able to walk with a 6 month old baby, but she laughed with me and made light of a heavy situation. She was always a comforting person that could look on the lighter side of life. 

After Sharon's family moved back to the LA area, we left for NY a year later, and the next 10 years proved more challenging to see each other in person, with occasional visits and family reunions.  I am grateful we were able to visit her home in California a few times and see the new life she created there with her family. We did our best to stay in touch and often had infrequent, but LONG phone calls. Every time we did speak it was as if there was no distance between us at all. I was glad that while her kids were little she lived so close to Caren in Santa Barbara. They had many years while the cousins were small and got to be very close friends from lots of beach visits together. 

In October 2014 we had a sister's trip to South Padre Island, Texas. All 7 sisters were able to attend plus baby Bronxton, who was just 5 months old at the time. Here is
Sharon, glowing....

It was a fun reunion for the sisters, to have dedicated time to spend together.

In February 2018, while Micah was working All-Stars in LA, myself and the kids decided to join him for the week. Sharon and her family joined us for the All Stars celebrity game, it was really nice to spend the evening with Sharon and see her growing family after such a large physical distance. I was 3 months pregnant with Brooklyn at the time, so I remember sharing the news with Sharon and Caren that evening.

A few years later, and after many health challenges that began in late 2020 for Sharon I was able to visit her briefly on October 14th 2021, her birthday. I stopped to wish her a happy birthday and have a short visit. Previously over the phone we had discussed the extreme health challenges, the chronic and relentless pain she had to endure. During that visit I was encouraged to hear she had a new diagnosis and treatment plan. Physically she seemed stronger, things were looking up. I felt encouraged and hopeful she would soon regain her health and strength. We hugged and said goodbye not ever thinking that would be the last opportunity to see each other. At least in this life. For now...

We don't know the future, but we can keep the past close with memories of our people who make us who we are. Every experience I had with Sharon shaped a part of who I am. She is literally a part of me, and she always will be. Her influence will resonate eternally. Heaven gained an angel. My heart often aches, it often longs for the day I will embrace my sister again. But I know that moment will come, it will come....and what a sweet reunion it will be.