Sacred Space

The kitchen to me is a sacred space. Albeit ours is small and humble, it is to me the landscape of creation. In the sacred walls of the kitchen, the combination of heavenly ingredients intermingle in a most melodic formula to produce an amazing end result. The fusion of life's offsprings creates new life.

But, come on Connie, it's just a cookie. No, it's so much more, its Cookie Paradise.

I clean my kitchen insidiously, almost to the point of compulsively, because to me the vessel in which creation comes must be completely pure. I would hate for any morsel of toxicity to enter into a new unblemished creation. This simply seems wrong. Any of those that know me, and as my husband will attest, it is a painstaking process to make certain these creations are developed in a pure environment, brought to life in the exact timing of their oven, and then carefully packaged and presented to their new home. It is a labor of love, that seems often to go far beyond the call of duty, but I can't help it. It seems a part of my nature as the creator to give an inordinate amount of love and attention to each cookie creation, letting each one be personally touched, shaped, packaged, and offered to a worthy partaker. It's in my blood to create more than just a cookie, indeed, in my kitchen it falls nothing short of cookie paradise.

Our Christmas Prescription

There is no denying it's the holiday season. Our Christmas wish to you this year:

And just by way of clearing up any confusion. No, I was not really in the hospital.

I wasn't even trying to capture a kodak moment

It just happened. Apparently, Bear likes to knit as much as I do.

Like it or not...

Utah has domesticated me...

Oh how I have fought domestication for years, about 12 to be exact. At the ripe age of 18 I realized the role of women was quite a contrast than that of men, but I vowed at that time to be just as independent, self reliant as any man could every be.

Well, tough cookie, you made it. Luckily you didn't get so crusty that no man ever wanted to bite into you.

This is the epiphany of the day. Bye, bye city girl, no more NYC to take care of every convenience on earth. No more paying someone to wash and fold my clothes. Ok, so those of you that know me well know I am way too cheap to have ever payed for that service, but I did splurge on a housecleaner.

New York City is said to be a city that is 'full of convenience'. As I reflect on my experience there, I would say it is 'inconveniently convenient.' Truly it is glut with conveniences, a convenience store on every corner. The only thing that makes them inconvenient, hmmm, they close at 8pm, when you never ever get home from work before 9pm. You have to pack all your groceries home with your own two hands. I did however have the privilege of living in Harlem, which meant the collapsable grocery cart is your friend. In my NYC hood, if you don't see several on every street corner, something just feels wrong.

That said, I am now a wife. I am female through and through. I am not ashamed to admit my favorite color is pink.

I like to bake cookies,

I like to make people feel good, I like to cook,

I like to create a comfy home,

and I absolutely adore sweet kisses,

and yes someday I even want babies. You got it, all the characteristics of a woman.

There is no denying or hiding any longer. I probably took longer than most to realize and honor my femininity, I never really wanted a child for a long time, I just didn't know what I would do with it. When the friends got married at 18 yrs old in college I balked at the tenacity of such a choice. I know have arrived, resistant as I might. But Connie, it's time to let go of the resistance. After working in Banking for 7 years, finishing my education, purchasing 2 homes, pursuing my passions, and living the dream, it's time to move on. I am grateful for the experiences I've had that have led me to where I am today. But the feeling often comes that of all the accomplishments that can be attained in this world, nothing compares to that of a having a family. I suppose I am finally growing up, which is so much better than growing down.

Love is in the air...

As I breathe in love fills not only the spaces within me but all the space around me, enveloping, all consuming. The all consuming love that I can feel, surely must come from a being much greater than myself. It is hard to define this type of love, and my mortal mind can hardly comprehends it's depth.

Every now and then, ok, all the time, I limit the power of love to what my mind can understand. Then I seemed to be reminded, of course from the mouthpiece of God, that love truly is a much stronger force than I originally envisioned. As 2009 rolls to an end, I am reminded that the theme of this year is Love. I initially thought the new marriage began would be the apex of that theme. Well, certainly it is a part, but as I come full circle from Jan 24, 2009, the day Micah and I were sealed, to November 22, 2009 (1 year after moving to Utah), I realize that the love that has deepened more than I could have fathomed, is not just the love of a spouse, but the love of God. And the truth is God's love has always been present, only my openness to receiving it fades in and out. I recognize that this gift, the love of God, makes possible the love of a human relationship. There simply is no other way. This is not the prescribed outcome I had anticipated in the first 10 months of marriage. But, it is the outcome I needed.

When we set an intention at the start of a yoga practice, it is often set only to allow us to be open to the possibility that the intention might shift or change completely. Sometimes this is anticipated, most often, it is not, but it is always what needs to happen. This inherent beauty of the practice, when the flow takes over, allows divine wisdom to manifest itself. We just make an offering with full trust that what needs to happen, will indeed happen. And with that trust, it always does.

To know the God's love indeed is the "center of ALL" as spoken by Elder Uchtdorf in Oct Conference, sharpens my desires to let love be at the heart of every decision, large or small. To taste and savor the love present in all things, seems a noble pursuit. My vision has shifted, but my intent the same, to honor the love of God in all things, and to participate in it's transformative powers.